Ok. We had the election and, surprisingly, the election results. We had January 6th and the certification. We had the inauguration. We had the swearing-in of the new President of the United States. We had (breaking news) the declassification of JF Kennedy and dr. Martin Luther King Jr. records.
Everything is settled for the next four years, like it or not. There’s nothing we can change, at a federal level, until next mid-term. Can we now stop arguing about politics?
Exploring the Dynamics of Political Discord in Marriage
In an era where political polarization is at its peak, the impact of divergent political affiliations within a marriage has become a topic of increasing interest. Political beliefs often serve as a reflection of deeply held values and principles, and when a couple finds themselves on opposite ends of the political spectrum, it can lead to significant tension.
Polarization
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, in recent years, this polarization has intensified in the United States. Things don’t go better in other countries, with France’s Le Pen, Alternative fur Deutschland, Hungary’s Orban, Giorgia Meloni’s Brothers of Italy, and so on.
Political polarization refers to the growing divide between individuals or groups with opposing political views.
How Political Differences Manifest in Marriage
Political discussions can quickly become heated, leading to arguments and a sense of frustration. In the family context, it can spill over into other areas of their relationship, creating a pervasive atmosphere of tension.
Couples may find it difficult even to navigate social gatherings or family events, even at the thought that political discussions are likely to arise. This can lead to a sense of isolation or the need to avoid certain topics altogether, which can be stressful and emotionally draining.
The Psychological Impact
While researching for this article, I realized that most studies focus on arguments between couples where each member is on opposite ends of the political spectrum. That’s obviously frustrating, but it’s relatively easy to address. In fact, when you know the problem, you can think of a solution. Experts have analyzed this issue and concluded that you shouldn’t talk about politics with your spouse. It’s an oversimplification, but dozens of books and hundreds of pages really boil down to a simple concept: the acceptance of each other’s views.
Of course, if the opposing views refer to how to handle a household, this acceptance may mean that the members of the couple need to part ways as they will never come to a consensus. But most of the time, the political scope of federal elections deals with foreign policy, macroeconomics, and climate change. These topics are way beyond the pay grade of a household, so people should not fear that their spouse will destroy the family by embracing the wrong policy. Someone could argue that climate change does impact the future of our children. But if our vote didn’t have that impact we hoped for, there’s no point to blame other voters; each of us can still do our part and be an example by recycling correctly, driving a fuel-saving car, and making environmentally friendly choices in everyday life.
But we are moderate
Traditional psychology studies, even the most recent ones, are, in my opinion, outdated in today’s polarized era. In fact, the studies focus on people that voted in opposite ways. But today, political views are often portrayed in such extreme ways by the media, that such a divide does not reflect actual people’s moderate views. Spouses may vote in opposite ways, but they are not as far from each other.
For these couples of moderate people, the disagreement is not about their respective views, but the stance of the parties they vote for. In other words, each spouse conflate the extreme ideology of the two parties with they’re spouse moderate ideas.
What happens is, in the argument, one spouse criticizes the ideology as reported in the news, and the other spouse thinks: “what are you talking about? This is not what I believe in” and vice versa.
For example, a moderate liberal wife, sensitive to social issues, believes her husband, by voting in a certain way, supports extreme notions like white supremacy.
On the other hand, a conservative husband, who cares about the people’s wealth, might assume his wife would allow indiscriminate spending of the entire nation’s wealth for people from other countries and to fund wars, neglecting Americans’ needs.
Each attributes to the other ideas they don’t actually hold.
You like Kamala = you hate Americans.
You like Donald = you hate minorities.
Both inferences are wrong (arguably), but neither are what each spouse actually believe in.
At the end of the day, we have two nature- and people-loving moderate spouses with similar approaches. They just don’t know it, because they watch different news channels. They should watch to each other, instead of the news.
In modern couples who voted differently, the problem is not a disagreement about political views. It’s the identification of a person with a slogan heard in tv.
It is a communication and listening issue.
We need to be aware of the news we watch
I will probably expand on this in a future article or YouTube video (so make sure you subscribe to my channel), but I’m convinced this polarization is fabricated.
The news and the political parties want us, the voters, the taxpayers, to disagree, by replacing complex legit political strategies with trivial extremist slogans. Candidates no longer campaign on what they will do, but on how bad the adversary is.
He’s a racist. She’s a marxist.
Most of the time uncorroborated or oversimplified statements. Because it’s easier to get votes this way or, if you will, this is easier to sell.
Coaching vs psychology
Here’s why coaching is more important than social studies and psychology, here. Psychology would tell you how to accept what you think your spouse vision is. Coaching would teach you how to understand your spouse perspective.
To heal the conflict caused by diverging political views in a couple, you don’t need to detect and cure anxiety, anger management, fear. You need to identify why you (more precisely: your brain) things your spouse’s vote, one among 100 million people, is a capital threat to you, is so dangerous and needs to be fought at the expense of your family’s happiness.
